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lesbicosmos-writes · 1 month ago

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@deadboyween day 4!!

day 4 prompt: orbs

summary: edwin is worried about charles, who just will not sit still. he knows something is troubling him, but he just won't talk about it. eventually, he exhausts himself so much he reverts into orb form.

notes: when i made the prompt list this was the one i was determined to write something for, so when i realised it was TODAY and i hadn't written anything yet, i just kinda threw this together oops

also on ao3!!

and it feels good to be known so well

Charles Rowland rarely sat still. He always had to be somewhat dynamic, whether it be bouncing his leg up and down or fidgeting with whatever was in his hands at the time. He was fine if he was focused, like during client interviews and while on cases, but when he was just relaxing, he was never truly still.

That had been the case for as long as Edwin could remember, but Charles’s constant movement had never been quite as bad as it had been for the last few weeks. Even seeing him sitting down at all had been a rarity.

He’d been on his feet for so long that he just looked so…tired. Ghosts may not sleep, but that didn’t mean they could keep moving forever without so much as a break. Edwin had been beginning to worry. Something was bothering him, that much was clear. And the way he kept looking directly at Edwin, as though to say something, then immediately looked away as soon as the other boy made eye contact, really didn’t help Edwin’s growing anxiety.

“Charles, are you quite alright?” he asked, putting his notebook away in the drawer of his desk and giving the boy his full attention. “I know you’re usually very mobile but there is clearly something on your mind.”

“I’m good, mate. Don’t worry about me,” Charles replied simply.

Edwin knew Charles well enough to tell when what he said was just a pre-programmed response to get people to stop worrying about him, no matter what was going on in that brilliant-yet-troubled mind of his. Edwin also, however, knew Charles well enough to tell when pushing him to talk wasn’t a good idea. And it was clear that this wasn’t the time, so Edwin chose support over questioning.

“Okay, but if you do need to talk, you know I’m always here to listen. And please sit down, you look exhausted.”

“I said I’m fine, Edwin,” Charles said again, snappier. He immediately regretted his tone. “Just…”

Then, Charles seemed to wobble a little on his feet. He let out a shaky breath, even though his lungs hadn’t truly inhaled air in thirty-five years, and leaned back against the arm of the sofa as though to steady himself.

“Charles…?”

“Shit, Edwin, I think…”

Before Charles could even finish his sentence, a spot on his chest just over his unbeating heart began to glow, and within a few seconds the rest of his corporeal form had faded away, leaving only a glowing sphere in his place.

“Charles!”

Edwin rushed over to the sofa, just catching the orb before it rolled off the sofa and onto the ground. He lifted the pulsing light to face height, inspecting it as though it could actually be harmed.

“This is the second time in two weeks, Charles. Please, just talk to me, you’re exhausting yourself,” he sighed, trying to fight back tears he couldn’t quite explain.

He thought things had gotten better since Port Townsend. He thought they had agreed to talk when they had important things on their mind, no matter what. He thought they weren’t keeping the deep stuff quiet anymore.

Evidently, he was wrong. Edwin couldn’t help but think that perhaps it was his confession that had caused them to backtrack so significantly in terms of communication. Sure, Charles told him that he was fine with it, that it hadn’t changed anything between them, that they were still the most important people in the world to each other – and Edwin believed him. At first glance, it would seem that they were just as close as they had been before – closer, even. Charles seemed more inclined to initiate physical contact than ever, and always seemed to be calmest when Edwin was in the room with him. But Edwin also knew Charles had gotten very good at keeping things locked up inside himself, especially things that could potentially make him feel like a burden. If everyone would be happier without it being said, it wouldn’t be said. Edwin genuinely thought that if you were to look up people pleaser in a dictionary, all that would be written there as its definition would be Charles Rowland’s name.

So if his confession had changed things, if Charles really was worrying about it, of course he wouldn’t mention it. If it had changed things, of course he might think twice about being quite so open about his own struggles. Edwin just wished he understood just how much he loved him. Not necessarily the love that made Edwin want to kiss Charles, to touch him in a romantic sense – but the love that made him always want Charles around, the love that made Charles the most important person in Edwin’s universe, the love that he had for him no matter what, no matter whether or not he returned Edwin’s romantic feelings.

Edwin just loved Charles because of who he was, and he always had. He hoped one day the other boy might finally understand that, so he knew intrinsically that he really could talk to him about anything, and didn’t have to bottle it up so much that things like this happened so often.

Edwin returned to his desk, but didn’t pull his notebook back out just yet. He simply sat there, Charles’s most pure and natural form floating slightly in his palms.

A few hours later, Charles had still not returned back to his usual gangly, grinning form. He was still just that tiny sphere of glowing energy. He’d been rolling around on the desk for the better part of half an hour – Edwin scolded him for moving around in this state when his constant activity was what prompted it in the first place – and had now found a place to settle.

He was nestled on Edwin’s shoulder, as though peering over him to look at his notebook like he usually did in his corporeal body. Every so often he nuzzled closer to Edwin’s neck, and Edwin couldn’t help the sense of pride and comfort he felt in the knowledge that Charles felt safe with him, no matter what secrets might be causing problems in his currently non-existent head.

The quiet of the room was interrupted when the door to the office opened and Crystal walked in.

“Hey, Edwin, have you seen Charles-” she began, but cut herself off when she spotted the flickering sphere on Edwin’s shoulder. “What’s that?”

“Oh. Hello, Crystal. Uh, this is Charles,” Edwin said.

“I’m sorry, what? He’s…a blob?” Crystal looked confused as she took her coat off, laying it across the empty sofa.

“An orb,” Edwin corrected. “It happens to us sometimes when we get tired. We may not be able to sleep like the living do, but we can compress ourselves into our most natural form – pure spectral energy. Well, I say we can. Sometimes it is involuntary, like fainting. That’s what happened to Charles.”

“Okay, that’s…kind of cool actually. Like ghost hibernation.”

As Crystal walked over towards the desk, Charles seemed to vibrate, growing brighter for a couple of seconds before dimming again.

“That’s him saying hello,” Edwin clarified.

“Oh. Hey, Charles! Wait…he can hear us?”

“Yes. Well, no. Sort of. He can sense that you’re here but perhaps not understand what you’re saying. Well, if we do hear we forget it when we turn back. We don’t fully understand it, if we’re honest.”

“Right,” Crystal said, clearly understanding even less than Edwin did.

The orb moved again, this time towards the side of Edwin’s neck as he had been doing all afternoon. Edwin chuckled – it did always tickle a little when he did that.

“Charles tends to get clingy when he’s like this,” Edwin turned back to Crystal, who had sat opposite him in the chair usually reserved for clients.

Edwin from a few months ago might have told her to move, or at least given her a glaring look, but now-Edwin simply smiled at her. They’d become good friends since everything, once they’d both realised they were being a little unfair taking out their frustrations on one another.

“He told me once that it is like his way of ensuring me he is there even when he cannot exactly talk. He seems to have a proclivity for always having to be near me in some way, especially since Hell,” he continued.

“I had noticed that,” Crystal said.

“I keep trying to tell him he doesn’t have to, that I can protect myself, but he just won’t listen.”

“It does seem like protecting you makes him happy,” she commented.

“I know. And I like knowing that he is happy, of course I do. But he seems to think that if he isn’t useful to me, then I will not want him around.”

“He’s like the biggest people pleaser I’ve ever met.”

“I just wish he knew that I want him around no matter what.”

Edwin turned to look sadly at his shoulder as he spoke. Charles only nuzzled even closer.

Crystal leaned further towards him, comforting.

“I’m sure he does know that, Edwin, it’s just… it’s just who he is. I think with everything that happened when he was alive, he constantly feels like he has to prove himself to everyone because he could never seem to be good enough for anyone. His dad beat him, and even the people he thought were his friends turned on him and fucking killed him. He’s gonna have a lot of trauma from that. Even if he refuses to really talk about it.”

“I’ve been thinking the same thing.”

“Also, if he can hear us right now, I’m sure he’ll know he can talk to us if he needs to,” Crystal said, her voice growing louder at the end as though specifically intending for Charles to hear.

Edwin appreciated how much she cared. Despite his initial jealousy and coldness towards her, it was nice having someone else who cared for Charles so deeply.

“I hope so. Especially since…” he took a deep breath. He hadn’t expected to be confiding in Crystal about this, but he was glad she came over. “Lately, he’s seemed even more distracted. Something is weighing on him – this is the second time he’s transformed in the past fortnight. I wish he would talk to me instead of keeping it inside.”

Crystal nodded slightly, her face unexpectedly relaxing a little.

“Okay, I think I know what specifically it’s been about more recently,” she said.

“Really? Did he talk to you about it?”

He tried not to be a little sad at the idea that Charles went to Crystal about it before he went to him. It was irrational, of course – he knew the two of them were close, and of course he loved Crystal – but it wasn’t helping that little voice in the back of his head that kept thinking something had changed between them since Hell, that he didn’t feel as comfortable sharing things with him anymore.

“Not exactly,” Crystal said, and Edwin’s mind eased. “I kind of figured it out and brought it up.”

“What is it? Is something wrong?”

“No, no, nothing like that, don’t worry,” Crystal reassured him, clearly noticing this was causing Edwin distress. “Look, I’m not the one who should tell you about it, so just believe me that it’s nothing bad, please.”

Edwin sighed.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I promise. He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

What could he possibly need to prepare to tell him? Edwin desperately suppressed the many anxiety-riddled questions and possibilities his tireless mind thought up.

“I’ll be here for him no matter what,” he said.

“I know,” Crystal smiled. “You always are.”

Edwin smiled back at her – the sister he never had. Crystal suddenly reached her hand up to her face and wiped a tear from her eye before it even had chance to fall.

“Alright, enough of that,” she sniffled. “I just came to say I’m not gonna be here for the next couple days. I’m meeting up with a few old friends, I wanna try and fix things. If I can.”

“Of course. I know you can, Crystal. I’m aware I don’t say things like this often, but you really are such a lovely person. I don’t know exactly what you did to these friends before everything happened, but I hope they see how much you’ve changed.”

“Thanks, Edwin. That…it means a lot.”

Both of them looked at one another for a few seconds, the small smiles still on both of their faces.

Then, all of a sudden, the orb on Edwin’s shoulder grew brighter, and brighter, and brighter.

“Woah, what’s-”

Before Crystal could ask, the light faded, and Charles’s familiar form faded back into corporeality. Since he had been perched on Edwin, he was sat on the arm of the chair practically clung to him when he opened his eyes.

“Charles! Good to have you back,” Edwin sighed, relieved.

“I need to talk to you,” Charles said, looking directly into his eyes.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Crystal said, standing up from the chair and grabbing her coat from the sofa. “I’ll see you guys on Wednesday, yeah?”

“Goodbye, Crystal. Good luck.”

With that, Crystal left the office. Edwin swore he saw her give Charles a smile and a thumbs up as she left the room.

Edwin turned, surprised to see Charles hadn’t even moved, and was still all but pressed up against his side.

“How are you feeling?” Edwin asked, trying not to focus too hard on the proximity.

“Better. Thanks.”

“Are you sure? I’m not trying to pry, but I’m getting worried about you Charles. We said we’d talk-”

As Edwin spoke, Charles moved – but only to face him, leaning back against the desk like he did when they had clients.

“I know, mate. I’m sorry, I just…right, I’ve been trying to figure out how to talk to you about something but I didn’t know how or when or if, and I guess…that rest I just got kind of gave me time to think a bit more without there being everything else,” Charles explained.

Edwin was confused, but gave him the chance to talk.

“Right. Is there something wrong, or…?”

“No! God, no, Edwin. Shit, I’ve really stressed you out, haven’t I?”

“Yes, I rather think you have,” Edwin chuckled. “I guess I’ve just been worried that perhaps…you feel differently about our agreement to talk to each other about things since I told you what I did in Hell.”

“What? Edwin, no. Fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise-”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Edwin told him, reaching out to take his hands.

Maybe that was overstepping, but Charles didn’t complain or pull away – quite the opposite: he held Edwin back.

“No, I do. You’ve been here thinking I…god, I’m sorry. I swear, what you told me in Hell is…well actually I guess it kind of is why I’ve been acting all weird, but it’s not what you’re thinking, I promise.”

“Then what?”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, right? Ever since you told me what you did. I wanted to properly think on it because I love you so much and, like, I know we’d be us no matter what, but I just couldn’t just let this go, could I?”

Edwin opened his mouth to say something, but Charles cut him off.

“I know what you’re gonna say. You’re thinking I’m doing what I always do and just telling you what you wanna hear, but I’m not. I needed to think about this for me as well as for you.”

“And…?” Edwin prompted, trying not to sound as hopeful as he was steadily growing to be.

“Well, I was just driving myself insane, wasn’t I? I had no idea how to put this shit into words or figure out what it means. But then Crystal brought it up, and you know what she’s like – she’s direct about shit. And it really helped. She kinda put everything about this into perspective. ‘Cause, like, I was trying to find someone to compare my feelings to, to figure out if I felt the same, but, like, I’ve never been in love. I don’t know what that feels like. Sure I had a couple of girlfriends when I was alive but that was just typical teen romance, doing it just because it was expected of you and because it felt good. It was never proper love. All I knew was that you weren’t like anyone I’ve ever known. And Crystal helped me realise that maybe…”

Charles held Edwin’s hand tighter.

Edwin tried not to breathe too heavily, looking up at Charles with such hope and love and relief in his eyes.

“Maybe I’ve been in love with you since the start. I knew you were different, but we just clicked so well I didn’t even realise what that difference was, that it was deeper. You’re my best friend above everything else, but there’s definitely something else too. I just needed a little help to see it.”

“Charles, what are you saying?” Edwin asked.

He knew what he was saying. Of course he did. But he couldn’t quite believe it, so he asked anyway.

Charles reached his other hand out and tipped Edwin’s head up slightly by his chin, ensuring they were making eye contact.

“I’m in love with you. Always have been.”

Edwin couldn’t help the soft surprised noise that escaped his throat.

“Charles…why were you getting so stressed about this? You know you could have told me before it got to this point.”

“I know, it’s just…I think it took a while for me to realise I could have this. Like, obviously I knew you felt the same, but…I didn’t feel worthy? Almost. I don’t know. I never- I never really knew what proper romantic love was. My parents, maybe they were in love once, before I came along, but I don’t remember it. The only long-term romantic relationship I really knew was one full of fear and like, tension. And abuse. I guess I just worried I might not know how to do this, so maybe you wouldn’t want to. I dunno, it’s stupid.”

“No. It’s not stupid, Charles.”

Edwin held Charles’s hands under his own chin.

“Well, the idea that you aren’t worthy of my love is preposterous, but I understand why you might have felt like that. I know your family weren’t the image of love you wanted to see growing up. I can’t exactly say my own were either. But I promise you; your love, in all its forms, is beautiful. You might not think you know how to do this, but you’re doing it brilliantly. Even if you didn’t feel the same romantic inclinations I do, you are enough. You’re so, so much more than enough.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Charles couldn’t hold back any longer – he surged forwards, wrapping his arms around Edwin. It was awkward, with Edwin still sitting in the chair, so Edwin stood up. The two of them pressed up against each other, holding the other close as though they could disappear at any second.

Edwin only held him closer when he heard a quiet sniffle come from Charles.

“I love you,” he mumbled into Edwin’s shoulder, and Edwin swore a rush of warmth flooded his cold dead heart.

“I love you too,” Edwin replied. “More than anything.”

When they broke apart, they simply looked at each other for a moment, soft smiles on their faces.

“Can I kiss you?” Charles asked, and Edwin didn’t think he’d ever heard him sound so quiet, his mind so still.

“Of course you can.”

Edwin had been dreaming about this moment for a while, no matter how hard he tried not to. Every so often, his thoughts would wander to what Charles’s lips would feel like against his own, whether their kisses would be hungry and passionate or soft and gentle – or a little of both.

He always imagined, in the rare instances that he allowed himself to ponder the potentiality of Charles one day feeling the same way, that their first kiss would be quick, in the heat of the moment. Charles had always been an impulsive person, so he imagined this would be no different. Perhaps they’d be out on a case and Charles would pull him aside, crush their lips together and whisper a hurried ‘talk later?’ before getting back to the task at hand.

Edwin had never been happier to be wrong. Obviously, he wouldn’t have predicted or asked for the circumstances that led up to this, for Charles’s emotional conflict and physical and emotional exhaustion, but this moment, their lips meeting softly in the early evening light that poured in through the office window, was perfect.

When their mouths separated, Edwin kept his eyes closed for a few seconds, just revelling in the moment. Then, he opened them and oh he was glad he did – Charles looked incandescently beautiful standing before him, his lips slightly parted, his eyes huge and focused on him.

They both moved together for a second kiss, resting their foreheads against each other when their lips broke apart, as though being even centimetres apart from one another was a curse.

“I’m sorry, about the stress, and about the…orb-ing thing,” Charles said quietly, and Edwin swore he could feel breath against his own lips. That wasn’t possible, though. Ghosts didn’t breathe.

“Charles, it’s alright. I’m just glad you’re not suffering without telling me. Besides, we finally had an opportunity to explain our exhaustion symptoms to Crystal. You gave her a very confused fright when she first walked in and saw you.”

“Oh, I bet.”

Both of them laughed, heads falling onto each other’s shoulder.

When they separated, Edwin took a step back. But Charles kept his hand where it was on Edwin’s waist.

“Can we…go to the sofa? I don’t…wanna let go just yet.”

Edwin just smiled, smitten.

“Of course, Charles.”

The two of them settled together on the sofa – it was a little bigger than their old one, but still too small to fit two nearly six feet tall teenage ghosts if they wanted any semblance of space between them. Luckily, these two ghosts specifically weren’t bothered about space.

Charles positioned himself practically on top of Edwin, curled up on his chest, quiet and still. Edwin’s arms wrapped around Charles’s waist, keeping him close. He’d never really known quite how much he wanted this – how much he craved this – just being this close to the boy he loved most, touching in any way they could. Charles shuffled impossibly closer, nuzzling his face into Edwin’s neck in the same way he had earlier while in his orb form. The only difference was this time, Charles left gentle kisses there too. This time, he could definitely feel the warmth of Charles pressed against him. This time, there was no stress, no anxiety, no panicking. This time, the two of them were all that mattered.

They held each other tightly. Two spirits, at their core just bundles of pure energy, transforming that energy into love for the other.

#actually loved writing this one #i always love writing these characters #i did also tear up writing this one soooo #deadboyween #deadboyween 2024 #dead boy detectives #dbda #edwin payne #charles rowland #payneland #orbwin and chorb

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pipwasreal · 1 month ago

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Day 18: friendship + vampirism

Alternate prompt today. I was finding it difficult to figure out a way to make glory hole or breath play plausibly platonic... I know, I'm a coward.

Characters: Crystal Palace, Niko Sasaki, Litty and Kingham (mentioned), Edwin Payne, Charles Rowland, David the Demon (mentioned)

Content warnings: biting, blood drinking

Crystal had kind of gotten used to staring at Niko, at being mesmerised not only by the lights and colours that surrounded her like some bizarre kawaii aura but also by her frankly adorable face.

The nasty little parasitic sprites are out (though Crystal wishes they were fucking dead to boot) leaving Niko with white hair and the ability to see ghosts. But that's not all that's changed.

Niko's staring back now.

Her dark eyes are wide, her lips slightly parted. It's a bit intense. If Crystal didn't know better, she'd think Niko wants to kiss her. Or possibly eat her.

Crystal waves at her and Niko startles, caught out. But she doesn't blush or laugh, like she would if she'd just zoned out. If anything she looks a bit... scared?

She stands abruptly and tries to hurry off toward the malt shop bathroom, but Crystal's worried now. They were supposed to be having a soda float to celebrate Niko feeling better... but what if she's not?

"Hey, wait!" Crystal says.

She grabs Niko's hand as she passes. Not tight, but Niko looks down at it and gasps. Crystal drops it immediately.

"You okay?" She asks.

Niko frowns, mouth twisting uncertainly, then seems to make a decision.

"Come to the bathroom with me?" She asks, maybe a little too loudly.

Crystal resists the urge to glance around and see if those girls are here again, and judging her, again.

"Sure," she says. She throws an apologetic glance back toward Charles and Edwin as they leave.

"Why are they going to the bathroom together?" Edwin asks, sounding baffled and disturbed.

"It's a girl thing," Charles replies confidently.

Crystal rolls her eyes.

As soon as the door closes behind them, Niko turns to the sink and bends over to look at her face in the mirror. She sighs, relieved. Then she leans in closer and grimaces at her reflection.

"Okay, Niko, what is going on?" Crystal asks.

Niko straightens up and turns to face her.

"Um... I'm experiencing a symptom? I think?"

Crystal raises her eyebrows and waits.

"I feel really cold, and you look... warm," Niko says. "Like you give really good hugs."

Crystal laughs.

"I don't think that's a symptom," she says. "But I can hug you, if you want? Or we could go get food?"

"I don't think I'm hungry for food," says Niko.

Which is a weird thing to say, but okay, so Niko's a little weird. So is Crystal's whole goddamn life.

But then Niko turns to the mirror again.

"Look." She points to her mouth, and grins.

Crystal steps closer, frowning in confusion.

Then she spots it. Niko's eye teeth look longer and sharper than normal, more... feline.

"Oh shit," says Crystal. "Yeah okay, that's different."

"At least I have a reflection. That's good, right?"

They both stare at Niko's reflection a bit longer.

"So are you, like, gonna freak out and bite my head off now?" Crystal asks.

Niko considers this.

"I don't think so? I only feel a bit thirsty." She turns to Crystal with a very serious expression. "But you have my permission to stake me if I get murdery."

Crystal laughs at that, she can't help it. Niko joins in, a moment later.

"You're a good friend," she says, smiling.

Crystal smiles back. She wants to be a good friend. What would a good friend do?

"Um, well, do you want..." she says, then trails off, gesturing vaguely toward her own neck.

Niko's eyes widen in shock.

"Really? You want me to bite you?"

Crystal shrugs. "For science."

She holds her hair out of the way and turns her head, baring her throat.

"Are you sure?" Niko asks. "What if I can't stop?"

Crystal wiggles the fingers of her free hand.

"Then I'll get inside your head and make you stop."

Even though that's an objectively terrifying sentence, Niko looks relieved.

"Okay. Um. Here goes."

She leans in, tilts her head and hesitantly presses her lips to Crystal's throat. She gives a little lick, her tongue hot and wet. Crystal's pulse spikes.

"Mmm warm," Niko mumbles against Crystal's skin. Crystal shivers. The hard points of Niko's teeth scrape against the soft skin, then dig in.

It feels like... being bitten. She winces. It hurts, but not too much. She can feel her pulse throbbing in the bitemark, and a slight wetness on her throat.

Then Niko starts sucking on her neck.

Which is actually kinda hot. Crystal's had her fair share of make-out sessions, she's sure. She just can't remember them. David doesn't fucking count.

But Niko's gentle, and her hair smells nice, and she stops after a minute and grabs a bit of paper towel to press to Crystal's throat.

Crystal can be a good friend, as often as Niko needs.

#Dead Boy Detectives #kinktober #kinktober 2024 #dbda promptober 2024 #pipwrites #the kids are alright (genre aware)#take a fucking sip babes #(of my blood)#(super platonically)

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hephanna · 5 months ago

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SAHAJAHSJSKAJAGAIIW I just read your recent fic with the alternate Charles and omg the jealously!!!!!! Omg I can only imagine Rowland finding out about the crystal and Charles fling 😭 I know he’d be like “ why?! When you have Edwin?! No offense crystal “ 🤣

I love crystal reacting to these dramatic boys, thank you for doing my girl justice

Thank you so much!! I'm really happy with the fantastic reception for my humble little fic so far haha ^_^ Writing AU!Charles who has yet to meet Crystal and isn't interested in her at all b/c he's already been with Edwin for years has been very funny - I think if it were to be brought up, he'd be mad pissed (not to mention if he found out about the Cat King - he's already not happy about the Monty situation). Crystal is both entertained, and also just wishes the boys would get their shit together (hopefully without dragging her into it - she loves watching from the sidelines, but she's not keen on dealing with a jealous Charles after Edwin's finally gotten used to her).

#answered #don't go sharing your devotions (lay all your love on me)#dead boy detectives fanfic #dbda fanfic #payneland fanfic #crystal is like y'all ain't putting me back in the trenches after i've just crawled my way back out #either kiss edwin or move on!!

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aletterinthenameofsanity · 4 months ago

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cw: mentions of David & Paul Rowland, past abusive relationship (only mentioned, but still)

Crystal taking down Brad&Hunter and both an argument with Charles&their growing friendship. Also background pining Payneland/Palasaki because duh

If Edwin's crowning achievement in shutting-down-dickery is Paul's Palace, Crystal's is the Dragon Den.

The Dragon Den was an absolute fucking waste of space of a restaurant run by multiple frat bros with more money than common sense and more dick than brain. It's the sort of place that Crystal would have hated on principle alone and would have enjoyed writing a scathing review of to begin with.

Then Crystal saw how the owners- some dickwad ex-jock types named Brad and Hunter- treated their head chef, Shelby, and their maitre'd, Maren- and she knew she would fucking relish tearing them a new asshole.

Brad and Hunter, true to their frat origins, are the most casual type of misogynistic asshole to their girlfriends (who also work for them, yikes power dynamics) as well as the rest of their staff, and though their reputation in the neighborhood is stellar as some of the "good old boys," Crystal fucking eviscerated them in her review, for neglecting food safety and not using fresh ingredients and their abhorrent staff treatment and basically anything and everything she could get her hands on. It might have been a tick overboard, as Edwin might say, but she'll be damned if she doesn't get that shit shut the fuck down.

There's just one problem, and it comes from the most unlikely of places: Charles Rowland himself.

"That last review you left was a bit harsh, Crystal," Charles says, "Those guys were just trying to start a new business."

Crystal spins on him. He and Edwin are over at her and Niko's apartments, ready to discuss the set-up for filming the show. (Well, that's supposed to be what they're doing. Charles and Edwin are steadfastedly ignoring the tension between them and pretending that they aren't both head-over-heels in love with each other, as is their usual MO, while Crystal is herself pretending like the touch of Niko's knee against hers on Niko's pink sofa is not sending electric shocks up her skin, as is her usual MO.) "What the fuck about that was 'too harsh?'" she asks, eyes narrowing. "Why the hell are you defending them?"

"I mean, they're just trying to start a business of their own, right?" Charles says, "Two best mates, starting out a new business venture." And he's not looking at Edwin, except he's always looking at Edwin, because they're dual suns orbiting each other, tied together by a shared gravitational orbit, and god, tell Crystal that he's not projecting the state of the very-much-a-relationship-in-all-but-name he has with Edwin onto the fucked up situation that Brad and Hunter have going on at the Dragon's Den, because Crystal knows Charles Rowland well enough by now to understand that he is, fundamentally, one of the good guys. One of the best guys she's ever known, when he's not shoving his foot into his own mouth.

"And that's an excuse to be a dick to women and waiters?" Crystal prods.

"Of course not," Charles scoffs, and thank god she wasn't that wrong on her evaluation of him. "But not everyone is your dick of an ex-boyfriend, Crystal."

There is something that splinters inside of Crystal. David doesn't get talked about by anyone. Even she and Edwin don't mention him, with Edwin knowing by now how to walk around the topic save on those few nights where they both get drunk enough to bitch about their parents and their lives before they were friends and drinking games devolve into complaining about the passions that they once clung to that were ruined by horrible parents and abusive exs that they are slowly learning to enjoy again.

At least Charles seems to realize that he's put his fucking foot in it, because he does grimace, but that's not enough. He dragged the worst part of her life out into the open and then pointed at it and accused her of letting it crowd her opinion.

"Are you calling my fucking objectivity as a critic into question?" Crystal bites, and the only reason she's not ripping his head off and feeding it to the fucking snakes is because she knows, distantly, that Charles is a good guy. He is, by this point, her friend. But that doesn't mean that he has the right to say shit like that. "You're a sweet guy, Charles Rowland, but just because just because I have had a shit love life up until now doesn't mean that I can't do my fucking job, anymore than you can't do your job as a chef because your daddy was a dick." Charles bristles at that, the brightness in his smile dropping away into something that makes his eyes burn like the sun- not kind, not warming, but a solar flare, burning in its anger. "Where the actual fuck to you get off?"

"Oi, don't bring my dad into this," Charles says, his lips twisting, and Crystal is about to shoot back with more poison, more daggers, because how else is she supposed to defend her reputation, her career, that one pride she has, or that fleshy, vulnerable organ she calls her heart-

"If I may intercede," Edwin says, and his hand twitches as if he's about to take Charles' hand, because that's what his hands always do, and Crystal has to wonder if the moment their hands touch ungloved if Edwin's brain just might explode. She sure hopes not- he might be wearing gloves in the restaurant kitchen for food safety, the only time she's ever seen him pair nitrile with that blazer and sweater vest of his, but on camera there won't be a single glove involved and she has seen, at least once, just how close Charles gets when teaching Edwin how to cook. "This review is bringing up feelings that are perhaps better resolved after today's meeting?"

"Fine," Crystal grits out, and she and Charles don't glare at each other for the rest of the meeting, but that's because they're not looking at each other at all.

---

After the meeting is over, Niko drags Edwin off to watch Scooby-Doo, leaving Charles and Crystal together in the living room. Crystal is still slightly on edge, smarting from Charles questioning everything that she's built her life on, but when Charles moves to sit on the sofa next to her- thankfully with enough sense to leave a couple of feet between them- his expression is half-apologetic.

"Listen," Charles says, "I'm sorry for accusing you of like, not doing your job right. You're pretty brills as a reviewer, Crystal."

Crystal deflates. "I shouldn't have brought up your father." She tilts her head, unable to resist a knock at the man, though: "Though he was a fucking dick."

Charles flashes a tired but true smile. "He really bloody was."

"It's just...you hit a really sore spot. David- the only person who I've ever really talked about him with is Edwin, and that's because Edwin was the only person who didn't let me push him away when I was with David, because he's the most stubborn bitch around."

Charles laughs. "Edwin really is the most stubborn person I know," he says, but he doesn't say it in the friendly, fond way that Crystal does- he says it in the sort of adoring way that Crystal knows she talks about Niko's cleverness to people who underestimate her, talking about Edwin like a prayer made flesh, a miracle sewn into a human's form. Crystal and Charles really are a matched pair, in that way, people broken into shards by the people who hurt them who pieced themselves back together in order to become something stronger.

"You're lucky to have him," Crystal says.

"I know," Charles says softly, and it sounds like I love him.

And something in Crystal's heart must have healed more than she thought it did because she can't help herself from adding: "And he's lucky to have you, too, you know."

Charles' face lights up, and he's back to being the sun again, not the solar flares, but the gentle sunrise, breaking gold and pink and orange across the horizon, painting the world with light. "You think so?"

Crystal nods. "You're not half-bad," she says, and Charles grins as he pulls Crystal into a hug.

Crystal has more friends now than she did years ago- she has Edwin, and Niko, and Jenny (even if she's not a hugger)- but Crystal still sinks into the hug as if it's been ages since her last one, because leaving David and being raised by the world's most distant parents taught her never to take a hug for granted.

And god does Charles Rowland give the warmest of hugs.

---

The Dragon's Den closes within the month. Shelby and Maren move in together, though it takes Maren a month longer than Shelby to dump her asshole of an ex-boyfriend. Maren can finally go back to school while only having to work a part-time job as a Niko's new assistant- because Shelby's new job working as Charles' sous chef pays enough of the bills.

Restaurant owner / chef Charles / Food critic Edwin AU - continued!!!

Hi everyone! I just wanted to say what an incredible experience it has been seeing the chef Charles/food critic Edwin AU be so amazingly received and to have so many incredible writers collaborating with me on this! I expected the idea to get a few notes and peter out but it has taken on a life of its own and I couldn't be happier. I may or may not have gotten quite emotional about it, actually. It is truly such a joy to see everyone's different styles, writerly voices, and insights into all the different aspects of this story come together in such a beautiful synthesis to celebrate culture, food, found family, healing, and of course, the characters. <3 I'm so so so so beyond floored and honored to be working with y'all, and seeing where it continues to go! Thank you for "yes and"-ing - you are all brills!!!

Anyway, the previous reblog chain was getting SUPER long thanks to everyone's contributions (<3) so I'm gonna start a second reblog chain for everyone to reblog from!

You can read the AU from the beginning here!

The masterpost for the AU is here!

#crystal palace #restaurant au #charles rowland #listen we did crystal&edwin friendship last time here's crystal&charles too #edwin payne #dead boy detectives #fanfic #my fics

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cicelythereaper · 4 years ago

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Hello! I was wondering if you had anything on Y Gododdin 😃

hey! fellow gododdin enthusiast! what a delight

i presume this is a request for reading recommendations - i don’t know exactly what you’re looking for, or how accessible these will be, but i’ve tried to cover most bases here. i WISH there were more literary criticism, maybe there is in the welsh-language scholarship and i just haven’t found it?

it’s entirely possible that i will have missed some obvious things here, i’m mostly sticking to stuff that i personally have read. if something mind-blowing has come out since the last time i did gododdin reading then it’s not here, i’m afraid!

but enough disclaimers. on to the recs!

text and translation:

for a translation, i cannot recommend enough joseph p. clancy’s translation as found in the triumph tree: scotland’s earliest poetry, 550-1350, ed. t. o. clancy (1998). this is fantastic. it’s poetic, it’s a joy to read, and having used it as part of a deep read last year where i went through the welsh text in detail i am honestly AMAZED regularly at how well clancy handles the many translation issues that arise. it’s loose, and it doesn’t translate every single stanza unfortunately, but for the spirit of the poem you really can’t do better

that said, if you need another translation to check against/to fill in the gaps, i’d recommend kenneth jackson’s the gododdin: the oldest scottish poem (1969). it’s a prose translation, so it’s harder to use in conjunction with the text, but it’s pretty clear and accurate

text-wise... things get complicated. honestly, the best edition is probably still ifor williams’ canu aneirin (1938), in terms of faithfulness to the words on the manuscript page. (i also really enjoy his textual commentary, but it is in modern welsh so not accessible to everyone.) the major problem with it is that you are not going to get the stanzas in the order they appear in the manuscript - he reorders them into groups of perceived variants. this also makes it harder to distinguish between the A-text and the B-text. AND it means that the stanzas are not in the same order as in any of the translations!

if you can get hold of it, i really really think it is worth having daniel huws’ llyfr aneirin: a facsimile (1989). the introduction is SO useful for understanding the manuscript context, and it comes with gwenogvryn evans’ transcription of the book of aneirin, which you can compare with williams’ edition if need be to work out where a stanza actually goes.

there’s a conspectus of editions which i think thomas owen clancy put together but i cannot for the LIFE of me remember where it is - if you think you’ll need it, PM me and i’ll see what i can do

dating, textual criticism and historicity:

t. m. charles-edwards, wales and the britons, 350-1064 (2013), chapter 11 - this is from more of a historical perspective than a strictly linguistic/palaeographical/dating perspective, but it’s a really good general introduction and i definitely recommend starting with it. if you read nothing else, read this. this whole book is a godsend

t. m. charles-edwards, 'the authenticity of the gododdin: an historian's view', in astudiaethau ar yr hengerdd, eds. bromwich and jones (1978), pp. 44-91 - this kind of lays out the standard view which everyone has been deconstructing ever since. we don’t know anything about what’s going on with y gododdin, but at one point we thought we did know something and this was what it looked like

d. n. dumville, 'early welsh poetry: problems of historicity', in early welsh poetry: studies in the book of aneirin, ed. b. f. roberts (1988) - and HERE is the deconstruction! a pretty good overview of the issues with “knowing anything” when it comes to y gododdin

p. sims-williams, 'dating the poems of aneirin and taliesin', zeitschrift für celtische philologie 36 (2016), 163-224 - i don’t have any notes on this and haven’t read it recently, but i remember it being good (it’s sims-williams so of course it is). almost certainly contains linguistics, but is probably also written readably

o. j. padel, 'aneirin and taliesin: sceptical speculations', in beyond the gododdin: dark age scotland in medieval wales, ed. a. woolf (2013), pp. 153-75 - if you can stand linguistics talk, padel does his best to make it understandable here and gives a good overview of the linguistic arguments for and against suggested dates for y gododdin. this whole book is actually very useful

g. r. isaac, 'canu aneirin awdl LI', journal of celtic linguistics 2 (1993), 65-91, AND 'readings in the history and transmission of the gododdin', cambrian medieval celtic studies 37 (1999), 55-78 - DEEP IN THE TEXTUAL CRITICISM. honestly, my poor attention span means i find it hard to pay attention all the way through these two, but if you want a really in-depth look at the possible relationships between the A and B-texts of y gododdin, this is the way to go

historical discussion and background:

charles-edwards in wales and the britons chapter 11 again

j. rowland, 'warfare and horses in the gododdin and the problem of catraeth', cambrian medieval celtic studies 30 (1995), 13-40 - this is a pretty cool look at the role of cavalry in y gododdin and while i don’t agree with all of it, i think it’s really useful reading if you’re going for a historical take on the poem

p. m. dunshea, 'the meaning of catraeth: a revised early context for y gododdin', in beyond the gododdin again, pp. 81-114 - makes some ESSENTIAL points re the question of: is catraeth catterick? moreover, IS CATRAETH A PLACE?

c. cessford, 'northern england and the gododdin poem', northern history 33 (1997), 218-22 - a historical perspective on the poem with some very useful points, comparing the situation as sketched out in y gododdin with what we know of the area at the time

m. wood, 'bernician transitions: place-names and archaeology', in early medieval northumbria: kingdoms and communities, AD 450-1100, eds. petts and turner (2011), pp. 35-70 - a welcome look at the archaeological and place-name evidence for what was going on in bernicia as it changed from a brittonic to a germanic-dominated area. really useful to have in mind both when reading the poem and when reading more literary history

r. collins, 'military communities and transformation of the frontier from the fourth to the sixth centuries', in the same book, pp. 15-34 - pretty fascinating look at the earlier background running up to the time period depicted in y gododdin, and the possibility of continuity between the roman occupation of hadrian’s wall and the post-roman era there. useful social/archaeological perspective!

f. h. clark, 'thinking about western northumbria', in the same book, pp. 113-28 - an early medieval english perspective on the area at the time, useful for comparison and completeness’ sake

literary discussion:

ifor williams, lectures on early welsh poetry (1944) and the beginnings of welsh poetry, ed. bromwich (1972, 2nd ed. 1980) - THE CLASSICS. an old-fashioned, not to say outdated, viewpoint, but that’s because this is the guy who INVENTED the viewpoint back when it was new! even now there’s a lot of good stuff packed into these and ifor williams’ prose style is a real pleasure to read. not to be missed

a. o. h. jarman, 'the heroic ideal in early welsh poetry', in beiträge zur indogermanistik und keltologie, ed. meid (1967), pp. 193-211 - likewise somewhat old-fashioned now, but lays out the classic viewpoint well and makes some good literary points. it may also be worth reading the introduction to his edition/translation, aneirin: the gododdin (1988). (i don’t recommend using it as an edition because he conflates the A and B texts and renders the text into modern welsh - this means it reads very smoothly but is quite a bit further away from what’s on the manuscript page.)

h. fulton, 'cultural heroism in the old north of britain: the evidence of aneirin's gododdin', in the epic in history ed. davidson, mukherjee and zlatar (1994), pp. 18-39 - a pretty interesting read, about the mindset expressed in the poetry, its purpose and its construction

this isn’t lit crit but i’m putting in my favourite g. r. isaac quote from his article ‘gweith gwen ystrat and the northern heroic age of the sixth century’, p. 69: ‘Koch writes that the Book of Aneirin’s ‘immediate milieu is… not the Celtic Heroic Age, but the High Middle Ages’, as if the ‘Celtic Heroic Age’ were a period of comparable historical status to the High Middle Ages. This is not the case, however. A ‘heroic age’ cannot be the ‘immediate milieu’ of any literary production, a ‘heroic age’ cannot produce literature, because a ‘heroic age’ is itself produced through literature (taken in the broadest sense). It is a literary product. The Homeric epics are not the product of a Bronze Age Achaean heroic age, but vice versa. The Irish Ulster Cycle is not the product of an Iron Age, pre-Christian heroic age, but vice versa. And the medieval Welsh poems of ‘Aneirin’ and ‘Taliesin’ (and Triads, sections of the Historia Brittonum, and much else) are not products of a sixth-century North British heroic age, but vice versa.’

honestly there just is not nearly enough lit crit for y gododdin, in english at least, especially to explain cool shit that the welsh text is doing that isn’t visible in the translation, and/or things that could be subversive or ambiguous about it - so, i don’t know what your level of engagement with the medieval welsh text is, but if you’re curious, if you want to know more about what’s going on in a specific stanza (or which stanzas are extended puns), or just which things i’ve been dying to yell about all year, PLEASE message me and I! WILL! YELL!

articles which are almost certainly good and useful but it’s been too long since i’ve read them to say:

t. o. clancy, 'the kingdoms of the north: poetry, places, politics', in beyond the gododdin again, pp. 153-75

m. haycock, 'early welsh poets look north', likewise in beyond the gododdin, pp. 115-52

FINAL NOTE:

one of the problems with translations is that they give an impression of way more certainty about the meaning of the text... than is actually there. you’re pretty safe with clancy or kenneth jackson, but tread carefully. again, i don’t know your level of engagement with medieval welsh, but if you want to know if there are any major textual issues with a stanza, hmu and i will gladly consult my copious textual notes! but in general, BEWARE of basing anything too heavily on the following groups of stanzas:

A40, A41, B5, B6 (Am drynni drylaw drylenn; Clancy ‘For the feast, most sad, disastrous’)

A42, B25, B35 (Eur ar vur caer; Clancy ‘Gold on fortress wall’)

A48, B3, B24 (Llech leutu tud leudvre; Clancy ‘Standing stone in cleared ground’)

A62, B14, B15, B16, B36 (Angor dewr daen; Clancy ‘Anchor, Deifr-router’)

the Gorchanau if you’re interacting with those, especially the Gwarchan Maeldderw - if anyone tells you they know exactly what is going on in these, do not believe them. isaac has a full translation of the gwarchan maeldderw in cambrian medieval studies 44, and it’s useful, but i’m not by ANY means completely convinced by it, so tread carefully.

the more stanzas there are in a group of variants (or at least a group that shares lines), the more likely it is that those stanzas are going to be SUPER DUPER TEXTUALLY FUCKED UP, is a pretty good rule of thumb.

#y gododdin #cicely speaks #academic book recs #asnc things #I AM SO DEEP IN THE QUESTIONABLE ETYMOLOGIES AND SADNESS ABOUT DEAD YOUNG MEN #i have PAINFULLY detailed textual notes on this whole fuckin thing #behold my continuing love affair with ifor williams' prose in welsh and english #ANYWAY #hmu for GODODDIN YELLING #it may be yelling of sadness about dead dudes! it may be yelling of frustration about FUCKING SCRIBES!#who can say!#violetcancerian

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